So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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