I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
