I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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