Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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