dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
