so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
