I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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