Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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