so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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