another moral hangover. fuck.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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