allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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