do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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