is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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