I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
