I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize