I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
