no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They took my balls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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