Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
