I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
