Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize