This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
