Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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