The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
