I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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