bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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