someone threw a dead crab at me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
