Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
