i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
