the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize