she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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