You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
