I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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