you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
