i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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