Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize