I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
