when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
