Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
