i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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