and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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