I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
