are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
