Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
