I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
