Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
