Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
