my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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