Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize