Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
