He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
