I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
