That's intense
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
