At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
