I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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