Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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