I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
