i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
