How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
