there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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