Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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