I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
