I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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