How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
