i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
