Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
