He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
