not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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