what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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