wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
