Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
