That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
