Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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