this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
