They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
