So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
