Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
