but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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