She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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