we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
