i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
