First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize