I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
