Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How external is "for external use only"?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
