I wish I could teleport
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
