Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
