I didn't shave. On purpose
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
