Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
