Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My pussy is not your playground.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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