so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
