So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize