You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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