If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
