Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize