if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
