What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
