The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
